In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
