I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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