It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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