Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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