he wants to bone in the snuggie
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
