Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
