if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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