So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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