what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
