My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
