So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
smell my finger.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
