i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
