You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
