Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
