Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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