You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
