I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
