Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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