Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
