I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
