I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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