ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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