he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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