Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
