I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
