this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
