for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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