She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
