i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
