And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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