I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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