Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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