I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
