Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
