i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
