with your own penis?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
