your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
