when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
