i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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