the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
