hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
