You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
