ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
