I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
