I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
