we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
