That's when you crack a 10am beer
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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