Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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