On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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