Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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