I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
